3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
