I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
