everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
