Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
