So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
