I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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