How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
