She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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