adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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