New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
