I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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