I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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