I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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