Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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