if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I looked at my own cervix.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
