even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
