DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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