Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
