lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
