EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
