winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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