Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
