I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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