Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
