I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
