Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
