I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
