How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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