Non-Jews are for practice
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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