After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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