Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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