I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
