Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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