Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
