I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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