Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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