remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
