I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
