My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
