i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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