I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
