Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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