AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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