you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Let's get the cat blown out
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize