i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize