you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
