Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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