You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
