So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize