it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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