One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
ugly people sure do ruin things
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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