So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
