My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
