you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
