ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
