i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
