i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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