Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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