And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
