i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
