You're earring is so big in my mouth
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
