her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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