I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
